personal harmony – Ruthann M. Wilson

Who are you, really?

It’s a big question, I know. So before you read any further, I invite you to choose three words, not related to a role or title, to describe who you are. Roles and titles are important, but not for the purpose of this post. Was that easy or hard for you? Whichever answer is true, explore why for insight and deeper understanding.

The inner work of understanding who we are is ongoing. You likely had more than three words come to mind, and they may or may not be the same words you would have used three years ago to describe yourself. That’s the beauty of our personal unfolding; it is a continual process as we journey through life. You likely have a few qualities that you consider core, meaning they are an inherent part of who you are.

Our personal identity is influenced by both internal and external factors, such as family, culture, experiences, relationships, personal beliefs, values, and choices. For that reason, it’s natural to question “who am I?” as we grow and evolve.

Many of us stop asking until something happens that disrupts our sense of identity, such as a sudden change, a loss, or an ending. These external disruptions may leave us asking “Who am I without [fill in the blank]?”.

One thing that has helped me over the years with respect to personal identity is realizing that questioning is an important part of our growth process and a way of discerning what is true and what no longer fits. Reflective questions – open-ended prompts that help us examine our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences – are a powerful tool for insight and understanding of what is true now. If you aren’t sure where to begin, ask yourself:

✦ Which of my current beliefs belong to me and which ones did I inherit from others?
✦ If my primary role or title disappeared today, what parts of me would remain?
✦ What is something I do that makes me lose track of time?
✦ What does my ideal day look like, and how does it feel from start to finish?
✦ What is a truth about myself that I have been avoiding or burying?

Another thing that has helped in cultivating a deeper sense of identity is the use of affirmations. With intention and commitment, an affirmation practice can help shape your identity from the inside out.

A fundamental way to begin working with affirmations is with the sentence stem “I am.” These two simple words are tied to identity and self-esteem. Any word you say after “I am” is a declaration of how you define yourself and show up in the world.

An effective affirmation practice should help you align your thoughts, words, and actions. To create an intentional practice, I suggest beginning and ending your day with an “I am” affirmation.

Morning
State your affirmation out loud, write it down three times, and sit with it for a few minutes. Choose actions that support your “I am” statement. For example, if your statement is “I am present,” find ways to anchor your attention in the present without rushing ahead or focusing on the past. If your statement is “I am authentic,” find ways to speak your truth and share genuine feelings with others. If your statement is “I am courageous,” make conscious decisions, acknowledge what you fear, and take action despite your fear. If your statement is “I am enough,” release the need to please or prove, find ways to appreciate yourself, and show up intentionally in a way that feels true. These are simply examples. Choose qualities that are true for you.

Evening
Reflect on your day in the context of your affirmation. Were your thoughts, words, and actions aligned with your declaration? Capture your alignment each day in a journal or notebook.

Rewriting our internal narratives takes time. I invite you to treat this affirmation practice as a 30-day experiment. Focus on just one or two “I am” statements. Perhaps you want to affirm new qualities or reaffirm your core qualities. Either way, give the practice a month to take root, see how it feels, and modify it along the way.

While identity is influenced by many things, true identity is ultimately something you have the power to shape from the inside out.

While these practices have been anchors for me, what’s most important is finding what works for you. If these practices speak to you, I would love to hear what resonates. If the post feels meaningful, you’re welcome to share it with someone who might appreciate it.

Thank you for pausing here.

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