Relationships – Ruthann M. Wilson

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”

—Benjamin Franklin

The best way to say “I am sorry” is to say “I am sorry” and support your words with action. Anytime we say “I am sorry, but…” we have cancelled the apology and shifted into defense mode. What typically follows the word ‘but’ is an excuse for what we said, did, or didn’t do.

“I am sorry, but you made me angry.”
“I am sorry, but it wasn’t really my fault”.
“I am sorry, but [fill in the blank].”

Extending an apology to someone we have hurt or offended is an act of humility and a way of acknowledging the other person’s feelings and the importance of the relationship.

If you are someone that typically adds ‘but’ to your apologies, ask yourself why? Use what you learn through self-reflection to grow. Be clear as to why you are apologizing and extend your apology from the heart—an excuse free zone.

Take Action

Is there a relationship in your life that could benefit from an excuse free apology? If yes, take action, extend your apology and support your words with action.

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All the best,

Ruthann

JOURNAL ENTRY: I realized over the break that I am living a double life.

I have kept a journal most of my life. I have found it to be an invaluable tool for recording my dreams, clarifying my thoughts, and processing my feelings. It has also helped me to see how much I have grown over time.

As a part of the writing process for Be True to You, I reviewed some of my older journals. I was looking for themes in terms of what I was journaling about as well as statements that were related to breakthroughs and turning points. One of the statements that I found during the process inspired this post. I made a note in my journal that I felt like I was living a double life. I was driven by a need to be accepted and, in the process, not openly sharing the part of me that loves to explore a variety of topics and finds inspiration in many things.

At the time of my journal entry, I was exploring spirituality through a different lens (e.g., the Divine Feminine, symbolic systems, etc.). My interest in the topics was real, however, I wasn’t comfortable sharing what I was exploring because the topic was outside of “normal” conversations within my circle of friends and family. I did not want to be seen as “eccentric” or a “new ager”. In reality, I was judging myself and assuming what others might think about me. I noted in my journal that I was out of integrity by not sharing that part of me. I made a decision to stand in my truth and start sharing my interests with others; not only for my personal integrity, but as a way for them to get to know me at a deeper level.

For the most part, it seems the more authentic I am with others, the more authentic they are with me. Being authentic and vulnerable opens the door for deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Is there a part of you that you are hiding/not sharing with friends and family because you are afraid of disapproval, rejection, or judgment? How might you begin to bring that part of you forward?

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All the best,

Ruthann